You're a Slacker, McFly

I'm not a fan of seasonal depression.  Obviously no one is, but I feel like I'm a prisoner in my own head because I'm all "THERE ARE SO MANY AMAZING THINGS I WANT TO DO" but in reality, I only have enough energy to watch Netflix.  I've had zero motivation or desire to train for races and have just slacked off of life in general.

HOWEVER ! I know this is a problem for me so whenever I can, I've been really pushing myself.  Taking Barre classes has been the BIGGEST help.  Without realizing it, I've been working towards trying to be healthier (I'm super nervous writing about this because I'm afraid my brain will realize what I've been doing and sabotage my progress !) and just taking the good with the bad.

THE BAD:

I'm dealing with injury. I got repeatedly sick this winter, which, when paired with being depressed, went back to not really moving.  When I was feeling better I started running full force again and Barre classes at the same time...because apparently I hate myself. So now I've got this terrible hip flexor thing going on which is the bane of my existence.  Barre is helping strengthen it, but it's also setting off the pain in the first place, as is running anything over 3 miles (especially hills).  Lots of stretching, more rest days than I'd like, and having to CONSTANTLY remind myself that slow and steady wins the race...for now.

Dollars and lack thereof. Running and Barre are not cheap endeavors.  My parents had given me money for Christmas so I decided to take the money and try barre class.  After my unlimited trial month was up, I had enough left over to purchase a 10 class pass.  And now I have no more money.  I really want to sign up for the unlimited monthly sessions because overall, it's the cheapest option for the amount of classes I want to take, but I just don't have the upfront finances.  So I'm currently working through every situation and budget I can to make dollars happen. 

THE GOOD:

I'm making healthy life choices. My biggest change is drinking more water. This guy makes it super easy for me to drink water throughout the day without worrying about spilling or taking a cap off; seriously I'm THAT lazy. I have one for regular water and one for nuun/sports drinks because it's impossible to get the taste of whatever fruity additive out of that straw, I don't care HOW many times you wash it.

Also I've been trying to snack better.  Almonds and chickpeas instead of m&m's and goldfish.  I discovered toasting a high fiber English muffin topping it with an avocado with some salt and pepper is delicious for any meal or snack.  I also cut out my super sugary coffee drinks for regular coffee: ONE splenda and some french vanilla creamer. Now I don't feel bad when I splurge on the weekend !  I do however, refuse to give up pop tarts or chocolate covered pretzels. 

I have more energy and motivation. Obviously more energy is a given with better eating and exercise habits, but the motivation is a big one.  I've been saying for like 2-3 months that I REALLY needed to clean my apartment.  And I never did.  And it got so bad that I refused to let anyone into my apartment because I was so embarrassed.  And then last weekend I decided that enough was enough and I cleaned the crap out of my apartment.  Having an early class on Saturday mornings that's only an hour leaves me happy, energized, and gives me so much more time to get stuff done.

I'm starting to feel better about my body.  Without going into too much detail, this is a big deal for me.  The past 6 months, I weighed the most I ever had in my whole life. I don't own a scale, but my body hasn't been looking the way I want it to AT ALL.  I've been struggling for almost 2 years with this and for the first time, I feel like I'm moving through the tunnel to find the light at the end. (Excuse my cheese ball-ness but I can't find a better analogy) Also, I find that because I'm working hard, I'm not as harsh on myself about how I look because I know what I'm working towards and that I'm working in general and how I've progressed since I started. 

THE AWESOME:

I want to do this. I never would have tried Barre if my friend Laura hadn't looked at me during our coffee date and said "Why the hell aren't you teaching barre ?!"  And she was so right.  I love the classes and how they push me and challenge me and how bad I hurt after every one.  I love the people because I NEVER feel judged or our of place.  I love the teachers because they've been a huge help.  I feel like Julie really cares about my progress and that just brings me back constantly.  Andrea, in particular has been a huge inspiration throughout my 2 months there (she even got my booty to a buti class !) and has pushed me past boundaries I didn't even know I had.  She's also inspired me to not settle for the career path I have but to keep trying to do what I want to do with my life.

And Finally...

I'm more focused and determined.  Due to all of the above, for the first time in probably 5 years, I had a EUREKA moment and discovered the direction I want to explore for my graduate work.  It had been staring me in the face for YEARS. It's also become blatantly obvious that I don't want to be behind a desk anymore.  The goal is to focus on finding a job that will allow me to put money in my savings so I can start working towards the future I want.

I'm hoping that I can continue to lose weight and make better decisions. My self confidence has already improved so I'm optimistic that I'm working towards putting the winter blues behind me. I can't wait for class on Saturday !