Figuring It Out

I haven't been around a lot recently and it's for a few reasons.  One, that life got a little crazy after Thanksgiving and things just seemed to spiral out of control and two, I've just been a giant ball of stress.  It's not that I'm afraid or don't want to talk about all that's been happening as it's been happening, it's just that when I'm really stressed out, I have a really hard time writing any type of post because it takes every last ounce of energy I have just to function.  

Remember back in August when I accepted a full time position at my job and I had to take a pay cut ? I tried to make it work by cutting things out of my budget, trying to live smarter and budget better, all while looking for a new job in the process.  I had been trying, but only casually as I was doing okay for the moment and with race season in full swing, I focused on things like Richmond instead (side note: much better and more fun than job hunting, obviously).  Then the renewal letter for my apartment lease came and I started applying to about 5 jobs A DAY.  I knew that in order for me to continue living where I was, I would need to get a second job and I was totally fine with that.  However, due to the fact that I was barely getting by now, coupled with the obscene price hike I was staring at, I realized that I would need to work some serious hours at a PT job. 

This is not okay with me.  I am all about doing whatever needs to be done and yes, sometimes you need to suck it up and do sucky things.  I refuse to work 2 or 3 jobs to pay for an apartment that I wasn't living in because I was so busy working all the jobs to afford the apartment.  Not to mention working 7 days a week would eventually ruin me and how was I going to train to run all the things ?

Keep all that in mind and you'll understand how excited I got when I got call about one of the positions I applied for because I really wanted it, not just because I needed a better job.  I nailed the initial phone interview.  Then I got too in my head, stress put so much pressure one me and I blew the next interview, getting the "You've got a great personality, but I just don't think you're right for this position." Devastated is putting it gently.  I went through any and all scenarios about how to continue to live in my apartment, in Raleigh, in anything that wasn't my car, with none of them making me comfortable or stable.  The past 2 weeks have been a blur of stress, crying, freaking out, planning, executing said plan and starting all over again when it doesn't work out.

Right now I'm back in the "Okay, something positive, let's see how that pans out," groove and I'm hoping that things will start to work out.  I apologize to basically everyone in my life because I have been the LEAST pleasant person to be around. And if you've made it all the way down here, thank you.  Having an outlet where I can share the terrible along with the amazing helps give my life some much needed balance. 

Since I refuse to end on a down note, I would like to report that as of this weekend I am officially signed up for the Tar Heel 10-Miler ! I'm also trying to finalize between the Tobacco Road Half or the Wrightsville Beach Half before the end of the year, but that's a post for another day.