Twenty-Nine

I turned 29 years old on Saturday.  For the first time in 4 years, I was able to travel home and spend my actual day of birth with my family and friends in the house and town I grew up in.  My heart is just so full from this weekend.

You're a Slacker, McFly

I'm not a fan of seasonal depression.  Obviously no one is, but I feel like I'm a prisoner in my own head because I'm all "THERE ARE SO MANY AMAZING THINGS I WANT TO DO" but in reality, I only have enough energy to watch Netflix.  I've had zero motivation or desire to train for races and have just slacked off of life in general.

HOWEVER ! I know this is a problem for me so whenever I can, I've been really pushing myself.  Taking Barre classes has been the BIGGEST help.  Without realizing it, I've been working towards trying to be healthier (I'm super nervous writing about this because I'm afraid my brain will realize what I've been doing and sabotage my progress !) and just taking the good with the bad.

RIP David Bowie

I've missed you all ! Happy New Year and hello to my first post of 2016 !

I will not be recapping 2015.  Goodbye and good riddance.  While I'm thankful that 2015 showed me that I am a hell of a lot stronger than I ever thought possible, I'm ready to rock 2016.

[RIP David Bowie.]

Figuring It Out

I haven't been around a lot recently and it's for a few reasons.  One, that life got a little crazy after Thanksgiving and things just seemed to spiral out of control and two, I've just been a giant ball of stress.  It's not that I'm afraid or don't want to talk about all that's been happening as it's been happening, it's just that when I'm really stressed out, I have a really hard time writing any type of post because it takes every last ounce of energy I have just to function.  

I'm Not Ready

I woke up on Tuesday with a sore throat and body aches. I left work early, holed myself up on the couch and binge watched Friends.  For the past 3 days, I have loaded up on Vitamin C & E, drowned myself in hot tea and honey and soup and Coldeeze.  It's Thursday, and while I don't feel worse, I don't feel like I could run a half marathon. I have a doctors appointment today because of course I have a cold or strep or the plague something.

My thoughts over the past few days:

I need to be a Time Lord

I haven't written a post in HOW MANY DAYS !??! Jesus, where the hell is the time going ?! Someone get me a Tardis so I can go back and update this more often. I could have sworn I only wrote a post the other day and it wasn't THAT long ago. Le sigh. Well, since it's been forever and a day, how about some updates, yes ?

Weekending - My Legs Hurt

I've come to the conclusion that if I could just pretend the weekdays don't happen, that I would be a much happier person.  Since that's not really an option, and I'm forced into adult responsibility and mandatory socialization, I'll just relive this past weekend to make myself feel better over my severe case of the Mondays.

It's Raining, It's Pouring

Real Talk: The universe is out to get me.

Okay, probably not, but it certainly feels that way right now.  My birthday is on Thrusday and honestly, I just want to relax.  Zero stress. Please.  Ugh.  Why is it so bad, you ask ?

• We had to put down sir Loki last week.  He was my first ever pet rat and I loved him more than I thought possible. Insert broken heart emoji here.  It was just the worst.  Sleep well, little dude. 

• I found out that my job wants to convert my contract position to a full time position (which is what they said when they originally hired me).  Which is super yay.  Except they want to offer me an "assistant" position over the "coordinator" position that I've been doing, which results in a $6/hour pay cut.  Which means I'll have to get a part time job on top of a normal 40/week full time job just to pay my monthly bills and oh, I don't know...eat food ?  Unfortunately this just causes more and more stress for the long run unless I can get a new job pronto.
• B and I almost broke up.  No, I don't want to talk about, and yes we're good again. Still super stressful.
• I dropped my phone in water and now the speaker isn't working well.  Insignificant, I know, but when you're already having a shitty time, it kinda just makes it worse.
• The brakes on my car have decided that they no longer want to do the one job they have: stopping my car.  So now it's currently in the shop.  For who knows how long and for some ungodly amount of dollars (that I don't have and REALLY don't have a way of making up), I'm sure.

Suffice to say, my stress level is so high, I constantly feel like I can't breathe.  Literally, I've almost used up my inhaler for nothing other than just trying to not hyperventilate from stress. I'm not trying to complain, but honestly I just need to get it all out. 

I've enlisted the help of a trusted friend to help with the resume (even though she's insanely busy and I feel terrible asking but I'm desperate for the help and I just know she's amazing at what she does and this is the longest sentence of my life but I love her).  I'm trying to focus on things I can control and trying to stay positive. It's not working very well, but points for trying right ? I'm hoping that everything will balance itself out and this means that super awesome amazing things are going to happen for me soon.  I really hope so, otherwise I think I might just have a heart attack. 

Any suggestions to help manage stress ?!

The List You Won't see on Buzzfeed

I need some major humpday confessionage today because sometimes you just have to let everything out in a no holds barred, balls to the walls, brutally honest way.

// My stress level is insane. It's getting a little ridiculous and out of control and I really wish it would stop.

// Thanks to stress, my sleeping has become basically non-existent. What I wouldn't give for a whole night of sleeping and not waking up once. I genuinely can't remember the last time that happened, it's been that long.

// My life has so many really cool things going on right now but stress is getting in the way of me enjoying a lot of it.  See the theme ? I WANT MY STRESS TO GO AWAY PLEASE AND THANK YOU.

// I'm not above asking for help.  But if I ask for help, you say yes, and then don't actually help...I won't ask you again. This infuriates me to no end.

// Right now, I want a running buddy more than anything in this world.  I want someone to do run/walk with me for the measly 2 miles my lungs can manage currently.  I want it so badly, I've actually cried about it.  Not like every run, every day, kind of running buddy, but someone that knows a good place to run and will keep me company, push me a little, and be the encouragement I so badly need right now.

// I want to be healthy but I have no idea where to start.  Internet research makes my head spin and I'm too broke to hire a nutritionist/trainer.  I had a personal trainer for a year (a giant waste) and learned maybe 2 things.  One of which is that I am not allowed to be left alone with weights.  The other is that I hate people (okay, I already knew that one, the gym just kind of reinforces it.)

// I have to go to the dentist today and I may or may not have cried at least once today from fear.  And it's only a cleaning.  Yay laughing gas !

// I want a work schedule that is more conducive to being outside and reading.  More sun = happy Lisa.

I know these feelings of rage and wanting to cry constantly will pass, and I will be back to being mildly optimistic and happy, but the past few weeks I have been more frustrated, upset, and angry than I have been in awhile. I would very much like to scream and punch things.  This in no way invalidates the above feelings because I feel them regardless of my emotional state...I've just gotten to the point where I can't keep the filter on any longer.

Linking up with Melissa this week.

What do you need to get out ? 

Don't Quit Your Day Job

I would never in a million years quit my job.  Not because I'm exactly thrilled to wake up and go everyday, but because it pays the bills, gives me some dollars to do fun things, and not accumulate anymore debt.  I can live on my own and that's what matters.  Not to mention the golden rule is, you never quit a job unless you have something else lined up.  And let's not forget, "It's always easier to find a job when you have a job." So obviously I would never dream of just up and quitting.

Except dream I do.  CONSTANTLY. I'm not made to sit behind a desk in an office, wear "business casual" (WTF does that even mean ? If anyone has a definitive answer to this, please tell me. Thanks.) and waste all my time not being outside or doing whatever the hell I want.  I know, I know, I know.  I'm supposed to, I have to, that's part of being an adult, blah, blah, blah...I CAN'T HEAR YOU I'M IN DREAMLAND RIGHT NOW.

Things I would do if money were no object and I didn't have to work:

• Travel (Duh.) : Anywhere and everywhere. More specifically, I would get an RV and drive across the US so I could set foot in the 24 states I have yet to set foot in. And then off to as many islands as I could before heading over to Europe.  And since dollars don't count in dreamland, let's set foot in every continent while we're at it (I've already got 2 ! 5 more to go !)

• Run : This can pretty much be accomplished while doing the above.  But how amazing would it be if I didn't have to schedule my runs around work and adult responsibility ? Pretty effing amazing.

• Learn things : I'm a philosopher, remember ? I need to know all the things all the time. The world is huge and too many things to learn.  I need to fill my brain up. I can't even list all the things I want to do.  Just assume everything.

• Sleep In & Netflix Binge : I had a small taste of that during my unemployment and as long as it's supplemented with fun things every other day, hot damn is this not an awesome way to chill out and recharge.

• Start a dog rescue : This has to be one of the most financially and time consuming endeavors.  I would buy so much land and hire awesome people to help so I could save all the fur babies.

In summation: I want to experience life fully.  On my terms, in my own way.

But since I don't have unlimited money and DO have adult responsibility (which by the way, I'd like to return since I never signed up for this) I'll have to settle for making the most of my time outside the office.  I might just jump on the 30 X 30 bandwagon.  So, until a miracle happens that will make all my daydreaming a reality, I won't quit my day job.

If you had unlimited money and no job, what would you do ?

Monsters (Part 2)

If any of you have taken the time to give my About Me a gander, you've probably seen pictures of my monsters.  And by monsters I mean my four-legged children, Ryker (read his adoption story here) and Sadie.

Trying to get a non-blurry photo where both of them are looking in the same direction at the same time doesn't happen.

Both dogs are from an amazing rescue in Ohio and contrary to what most people think, they are not biological brother & sister-but don't you DARE try and separate them.  Now grab some pillows and blankets and get comfy for story time.  Let me tell you how I ended up with Sadie, my brindle pocket pit mutt.

Monsters (Part 1)

If any of you have taken the time to give my About Me a gander, you've probably seen pictures of my monsters.  And by monsters, I mean my four-legged children, Ryker and Sadie.

Trying to get a non-blurry photo where both of them are looking in the same direction at the same time doesn't happen.

Both dogs are from an amazing rescue in Ohio and contrary to what most people think, they are not biological brother & sister-but don't you DARE try and separate them.  Now grab some pillows and blankets and get comfy for story time.  Let me tell you how I ended up with Ryker, my blue-tick beagle mutt.

The Evolution of My Blog

I touched on wanting to give my space a makeover recently and I've been making some small alterations here and there.  I've added a Best Of page and also some insight into my future goals. However, I still can't shake the feeling like my blog isn't the best blog it could be.  I want it to be better.

What do you do when you're trying to figure something out in 2015 ? You google it. After spending an afternoon scouring a zillion many blogs, pinterest, and bloglovin', I've come up with a list of goals:

1. Download a blogging planner - plan my posts
2. Create more posts ahead of time - schedule them for when life gets hectic
3. Work on the photos/gifs in my posts - get the pictures off my phone and on the blog !
4. Create more interactive posts - I want to create conversations, not just tell you stories everyday
5. Find my niche - I don't want to pigeonhole myself anywhere but I also don't want to be so random that coming here gives you a sad.

I'm putting these goals up so that I can see progress AND hold myself accountable.  Because part of the blogging community is growing and changing and learning from each other. 

Are there any goals you would add to the list ?

Don't Call it Hump Day

It drives me insane that people call Wednesday, Hump Day.  Just stop.  Please. It makes me hate life.  If you need something to focus on because it's the middle of the week, focus on Wednesday:

See what I did there ?  Here's some random Wednesday confessions for you.

A decade.

I graduated high school 10 years ago.  So of course, I had to get the reunion invite on Facebook. Insert eye roll here.  Let's be real.  With the rise in social media since I graduated, do I even NEED to travel back to NJ to see a large group of people that probably don't even remember I exist ? If I'm so desperate to play catch up with people, I'll send them a friend request and creep them that way.  I can choose who I actually want to interact with, creating so much less social interaction, I still get the same information, I don't have to wear pants to do it, and I won't have to hide behind fake "Wow, that's so great for you !".

So why can't I stop thinking about it ?

Philosophy of my Mind

I've been thinking about posting some non-floofy posts recently.  Or should I call them, "Get to know the inner workings of a WeebleNugget?"  Maybe I'll just tag them, "Getting to know a Weeble."  Anywho, after having this conversation with a few people recently, I thought "Hey, maybe I'm not the only one who's constantly going 1000mph."  Also, I said I would let everyone out there get to know more about me.  So, *deep breath in* here goes...

Everyone's seen this floating around the internet.

Happy Birthday !

Can you believe that 1 year ago today, From Zero to 13.1 started ?! I mean, have 365 days seriously passed already ?

Wow.  Just wow.

Did you miss it ? Don't worry, the posts didn't go anywhere so you can click through them and catch up !  I will say that after looking back at the posts from last year vs thinking about everything that's happened, I'm going to make a point to be more open.  I feel like everyone has a tiny, microscopic glimpse into who I am based on what I've posted and that's cool and all, but I feel like there's SO MUCH MORE we could talk about, explore, and learn.  

25 Things

25 Get to Know Me’s

1. What is your middle name?: Marie.  Pretty sure every girl born in the 80's had this name

2. What was favorite subject at school?: High School would be Performing Arts or Chorus.  College was Epistemology.

3. What is your favorite drink?: I could drink white mocha soy lattes forever. I especially love when there's a shot of vanilla added.  I'm in sugary, chocolatey heaven.:)

4. What is your favorite song at the moment?: I can't pick just one, but right now I find myself gravitating towards The Pretenders "500 Miles" when I can't think of what else to listen to at the moment.

Adulting Sucks.

I really don't want to be an adult.  Mostly because I a) have no idea when I became an adult and 2) totally didn't ask to grow up. There are some major perks, don't get me wrong, but I can't count how many times I want a time machine just so I can go back and slap my younger self anytime I would say something stupid like, "Man, I can't wait to grow up !"

Quitting.

I'm not a quitter.

That sounds like a weird first thing to say for my first blog post back.  However, life is crazy and twisted and awesome and scary and for some weird reason, I feel like a quitter recently.  No, I'm not being hard on myself or looking for encouragement or anything like that. This is not an apology post.  This might be a "I want to hold myself accountable" post. I don't know what it is.