Tuesday, June 9, 2015

A decade.

I graduated high school 10 years ago.  So of course, I had to get the reunion invite on Facebook. Insert eye roll here.  Let's be real.  With the rise in social media since I graduated, do I even NEED to travel back to NJ to see a large group of people that probably don't even remember I exist ? If I'm so desperate to play catch up with people, I'll send them a friend request and creep them that way.  I can choose who I actually want to interact with, creating so much less social interaction, I still get the same information, I don't have to wear pants to do it, and I won't have to hide behind fake "Wow, that's so great for you !".

So why can't I stop thinking about it ?

Part of me feels like it's one of those things I'm "supposed" to go to.  And if you know me AT ALL, you know that there is nothing I hate more than doing something because I'm supposed to.  But I went to homecoming, showed up at some football games, went to prom, I walked at graduation, and now I feel like I have to round out the high school experience by paying money to sit at a bar (I don't drink by the way), with people I haven't seen or talked to for 10 years, just to say I did.

High school was not fun for me.  Nothing monumentally terrible happened, I was just an unhappy kid.  Teen angsty and all that. And while I wanted my high school experience to be a John Hughes movie (because who doesn't ?!) it was just normal, boring high school.  

So I'm sitting here going back and forth - do I go ? do I not go ?

If I go, it'll be a lot of fake smiles and pretend caring, not to mention the sweetness to your face when you know they're going to talk about you behind your back because: HIGH SCHOOL. Put everyone back together and it's like they never grew up. I'll ask people I haven't even thought of in a decade how their life is, nod as they play the game of "mine is bigger than yours" that we all inevitably play to show that we're so much better than we were 10 years ago.  How do I know this ? Because as soon as I saw the planning was taking place, I immediately started tallying the major milestones of my life since graduation. Facepalm.

If I don't go, I'm back to the previous thought of, "Am I missing something ?"  I want to say I don't care, but there's a part of me that obviously does, or this wouldn't be something I'm tossing back and forth.  I think part of me wants to go back and show these people how awesome I've become.  Yet, I don't actually care what they think.  Weird, right ? I would be lying if I said I didn't secretly want the ego boost of judging everyone because that's what we're supposed to do at these things, but that part is so small and fleeting.  And the biggest reason to go is so that at the end of it all, I can say "I knew it." But...

There's always a but.  (insert Minion laugh here)  I could go, but...I could not go, but...What have we learned from this ? Nothing.  I have no idea if I'm going to go.  More than likely I will continue to bash the idea, while secretly wondering what it would be like to go.  But time and money will win out, I'll stay here in Raleigh and creep the copious amounts of pictures that show up after the fact and wonder if anyone even noticed I wasn't there.  There's always the 20 year reunion...


  1. i'm glad i moved across the world so i didn't have to worry about this. i have no desire to see anyone that i went to school with, high school or primary school. i am friends with like 3 of them on facebook, and that is it. i'm the same as you, high school was not a fun time. most of it was just me being an annoying teen, other reasons were that i was very sick and had my own regina george making my life miserable. i am a different person, i am happy, and i have no desire to go down that road. at all.
    good luck deciding though ;)

  2. High school wasn't fun for me either. Also not bad, just not the glory years it was for a lot of people. And that's totally fine by me, as long as no one makes me re-live them. We didn't have homecoming, but I didn't go to either year's prom and have never regretted it. I'm partially in touch with a few people (meaning, I bump into them at bars in Montclair or Hoboken from time to time) but like you said, no desire to compare "stats" from the last couple years with people I didn't even know when I had to see them every day.
    The only part of me that thinks you should go is the part of me that wants you in NJ, but honestly, I don't think there's any benefit to going. I try to make these kinds of decisions by considering what my best possible or hopeful outcome would be. What do you want to get out of the experience?
    Good luck :)

  3. Oh no, FOMO! Haha, I dealt with this exact same issue just a few years ago. I didn't go to mine. The planning started on FB, and I saw the Class President and such tagging everyone and pushing us to attend. But like you, I realized that if I could easily just creep those I didn't rally care about on FB, while still maintaining my friendships with the few I'd kept in touch with regularly. I also had FOMO. I found out later that less than 20 people attended, and they were either part of the planning committee and/or lived locally. And no pictures went up on FB, because there was nothing to take pics of! I honestly don't regret not going one bit. Good luck!

  4. Wellll kudos for even thinking about going because I NOPED right out of mine as soon as the planning buzz started on Facebook (incidentally, I also noped right out of Facebook for the hundredth time after that). Honestly no part of me even wants to go to mine but even if some small part did, my social anxiety would shut that down real fast. High school was very similar for me - not the worst time of my life, by any means, and sure there were good times but they weren't the golden years either. I really just have no interest in reliving high school or seeing anyone from that time in my life.


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